no diggity

Hey people.

As you can see, ive changed the layout of the blog.
Took me an eternity, since im as good with computers as paris Hilton is with her brain.

Anyways, ive been havin fun hangin out with the gf, my mates and the family.

Time flies.
It sure helps that ive been able to get fitty to ferry me around.
I rewarded him with a nice bottle of chardonnay.
Or petrol from caltex.
All the same.

Speakin of African-americans, the boy wonder would like to advertise for something here on this amazing blog.
Yes, with close to 2000000 hits a minute, this blog really is popular.

Anyways, lee unit has come up with another amazing money-spinning scheme, which is sure to make its member richer, albeit by a few renminbi.
Oh how I love that word.
Renminbi.
Why cant singapore’s currency be named as beautifully?
Singapore dollar.
Right.
That’s like saying….
hey we were just too lazy and overpaid to think of a name that would distinguish our currency from others.
Yes.
The Singapore dollar.
Lets lump it with the Seychellian dollar and the Ghanaian dollar.
Retards.
I suggest we name our currency :
The Singapore money note.
I think it just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?
“and today on the world currency exchange….the Singapore money note fell a bit…well not much…but a bit…the Singapore money note held strong against the euro…*
yeah you get the drift.

Where was i.
Oh right.

Lee units newest scheme.

Have you ever…
Felt unwanted?(jesus that sounds like some bloody simple plan song…kill ‘em I say)
Wanted to get checked out, but to no avail?
Wished for a love life?
Wanted to be the envy of your friends?
Wanted to be…cool?


If you answered, or screamed, a resounding YES! to any of the above, we here at lee unit have the solution to all your troubles.
Put the cyanide away.
Keep that knife away from your wrist.
Heres your salvation.

Here in our sunny island of doom, have you noticed a trend?
It stares you right in the face, like the boyfriend of the chick whose butt you were drooling over….
Its obvious.
More and more of the youth of this island are tryin to become like...the African-americans.
Seriously!
Every woman will listen to whatever oprah winfrey tells her to do.
“and if you really love yourself, you will go ahead and purchase that $20,000 shoe. Yes you will. Free yourself….you have my support...don’t worry about your husband…divorce him…we’ll do a show about it….”
And the chicks…theyre all suckers for pharell/justin timberlake(no hes not white my friend…hes just bleached)/whoever else you young women like nowadays.
So why not give up your own stupid identity?
You had it all this time…
Where did it get you?
That grope-in-the-dark of the school head prefect didn’t count as making out dude...she didn’t know who groped her.
So give it up.
Adopt the African-american culture.
Don’t worry friend!
Youre not alone!
Lee unit has successfully converted, till date, 1242 young men and women, into first-class African-american impersonators.
You see them everywhere…
Especially at the so-called… “clubs”…
You cant miss them…
Theyre just soo…cool!!

How do I sign up?
How do you sign up eh? Simple…
Just apply here somewhere there here yeah uhhh there something this tagboard somewhere….
Ambiguous enough??
Aite!
I love ambiguity…
Trannies are ambiguous no?
Hehe I keed I keed


What is the course called?
Ah my friend.
Using our amazing naming abilities…we termed it…
The Nigga Conversion Course (NCC) [props to jeevan the English (non) bayee]

Oh great one, please oh please tell me how you will convert me into an absolute chick magnet….

Ok my friend.
Like all good companies who swindle their innocent customers, a la expressions/jean yip/fil/etc etc,
We have an 11-step package deal.
Yes.
11 easy steps to become a true-blue(black?)-nigga…
via the Nigga Conversion Course.

1. hang loose
throw away your stupid tight jeans and your tapered pants.
Nobody digs ur tight moschino jeans dei.
Switch to ultra baggy pants.
So baggy that you can smuggle uncle Chandra and aunt meera in each pant leg, into the club.
They sell these baggy pants everywhere.
Try dorothy perkins.
2. listen up
stop listening to that rock crap.
And ramli sarip/Indian rock bands wont get you anywhere either, my traditional buddy.
Try listening to real HARDCORE RAP.
Real gangster rap.
Stuff you could kill to, if someone made fun of your pants or sumthin.
Stuff by hardcore underground artistes like…nelly(whoa he is how street yo)…b2k…Mario…omarion(I have a feeling this dude is from b2k…whateva)…the black guy in ‘blue’(yo he busts rhymes like a pro! Big up to the black dude from blue…big up!)….
For the chicks..anything by the original underground chick…mariah carey…will do.
Add ciara if youre feelin really mean and up for it.

3. make some holes
yes you heard me.
Pierce yourself.
Ears first, then nose. Then your belly button.
For the chicks, pierce your cheek. Its how sexy…
But don’t waste your moolah and go to a shop to pierce yourself dude!
Just go and use your mother’s handy dandy sewing needle…
The big old school one..
Every Indian/malay household has one…
If it doesn’t stop bleeding for a week or two…don’t worry..
The dripping blood makes you look so…street.

4. pimp your ride
yes that’s right.
You all know about my amazingly pimped out fitty.
Its got pimpish stuff like…a white exterior!!
Holla!
So take your stupid fiat or whatever you have, and pimp it.
Put awesome flames out on the sides.
The more loud the colour, the more chicks youre gonna bang in the backseat bro!
Just make sure theyre chicks first.

5. get a posse
to be a real nigga/nigarette, you be needing your homies yo!
Your very own posse!!
Who’ll give you a shoulder for you to cry on when mommy reduces your weekly allowance?
These niggas, they’ll die for you.
In a true show of camaraderie, one day soon, you’ll all be sprawled outside a club, rolling over one another’s vomit in complete drunken stupor.
What matters is that you all go into drunken stupors together dude…
This show of togetherness will get you countless chicks…
And no taxis.

6. disfigure yourself
yes that’s right.
Break a tooth.
Cut your face.
Everyone loves a disfigured dude.
Elephant man…the man in the iron mask…scarface…all these dudes had way too many chicks…
And it’ll make you real nigga dude…
Real nigga…
Look at the nigga superstars of today!
Someone definitely drove a car over 50cents face….
Nelly must have been involved in some construction site accident sometime or the other…
And how about seal….hes how disfigured??
Yet he bangs heidi klum every night.
Lucky blubber.
For the laydeees, get a tattoo...then erase it via laser surgery!
sheer genius!
The (hideous) scar will attract the guys to you like older chinese women to a sale at metro.
Definitely.

7. drink up
dude…to be real nigga, you have to take up alcohol.
Big time.
Those cans of jolly shandy you’ve been drinking all these years wont do…
It wont impress anyone.
Sadly, judging by your sad wallet, I doubt you can afford the real nigga drinks...like the chardonnay..
So youre gonna have to settle for…
Black cat.
The perennial fave of tamleys worldwide…
Is also a good drink to get drunk on…
Just drink like…10 bottles…before entering a club of your choice…
swagger into the club and stare at everyone in an aggressive manner.
There you go mate.
That’s real nigga action right there.
Chicks love it.

Speakin of chicks, fear not.
You too can get drunk.
On 1 bottle of sinha beer.
That’s good, cheap stuff, woman!

Its all about image, people.
If youre drunk, you think youre real awesome.
So you’ll definitely get the most awesome dance partners.

Which brings us to our next point.

8. bring along those dancing shoes
you need to be able to “rock your body”(as Justin so eloquently put it...boy hes just soo cute!) to get any action.

Sadly, odds are, your hand-eye coordination and psycho-motor skills aren’t in great working order since your mom dropped you from the first storey back when you were 3, soo…you probably cant master the original nigga dances and do the whole “crip walk” thing…

So we here at lee unit have come up with the following dance routine, which you can use for any song that is ever played.

*bob head to left*
*smile a wide toothy grin*
*runs hand through your hair*
*bob some more*
*wink*
*do the bharat natyam move #34*
*follow that with dikir barat move #21*
*do 3 squats, 2 crunches and 11 jumping jacks*
*prepare for action overload*

this amazing dance routine, known as “mating dance of the dayak bears”, is guaranteed to bring you success on the dance floor.
Money back guarantee.

9. become a resident
yes, be seen at one club a million times.
This way, if a chick says no to you one week, the next week, your feng shui would’ve changed, and she will definitely succumb to your amazing charm this time.
Also, only cool people hang out at one club al their lives.
The guy who cleans up the vomit in the toilet’ll acknowledge you.
Hey that’s a start.
At least someone responded to your ”whut upp” nod.

10.name change
for the final step, you will be required to change your name to something distinctly nigga.
Your current name of naidoo/faizal aint getting you nowhere dude.
Change it!
Some suggestions :
Bubba
Jizza
Shaykwon
Oranio
Shaquille (it would help if you were 7feet11inches tall, for this name to work)
Rufus
The One
The Man
Theodore
Charlie
Murphy
Shadowman

For the ladies…;laydees laydees laydeees…youre really spoilt for choice here…..
Try:

Shaniqwa (my all time fave)
Destiny
Faith
Love
Lexus
Mercedes
Alfa-romeo
Shanaynay
Jeneane
Biranda
Elaborate Fingernail (ok that ones kinda bad)
Rwanda

Yeah the list is endless.

11. get dirrrrrty
yeah this is the last step.
You gotta swear at everyone, and just put “f***” into everything.
And I mean everything.

Example:
“good evening members of the jury…hope youre having a fu**ing great fu**in day!
My client is not fu**in guilty, homies. Fu** that!”

Or

“no officer…I ain fu**in drunk….yo serio-fuc**in-isly….im as fu**in sober as your momma was last fu**in night with me yo….”

Yeah that’ll get you realllllll far.

So there we have it.
The 11 step NCC.
You have to pay lee unit 21 renminbi if you want us to assist you in any of the steps.
If not, I hope to see your sexayy face on the cover of vibe/king/the source.
Or in “police life weekly” under ‘recent arrests’ section.
Just don’t make it into the obituaries section.

Fo’ shizzle ma nizzle.
Fo’ shizzle.

Love to gf and mates.
Im out.

emotion sickness

To my (four) faithful readers,

apologies for not updating the blog.

To be honest, I haven’t been real busy or anything.
Just plain lazy.
There hasn’t been much to write about.
I feel its pointless forcing myself to blog, when theres nothing.

So ill update when something crops up.
Or when I feel like it.

The gf is pretty ill with viral fever n all.
so the boy wonder is not his usual self.
I really worry for her, and hope she gets well soon.

Nothing feels quite the same when the one you adore is down with the sickness.

im out

cats in the cradle

‘Sup ppl.

Fitty is safe n sound.
The shop fixed him up.

When gf n I went to the autoshop….
We saw there was oil all round fitty…
Apparently, he’d gone and got it on with …
Mercedes and lexus…(such typical nigga skank ho names!)
Two females of questionable character.
Sigh.
Fitty fitty
When will you ever learn, nigga.
Stop thinking with your gear stick.

after cleanin up the liquid emissions all round the exhausted fellow,
We took fitty back home.

poor niggas been through a lot.
Ah well,
At least he got some exhaust pipe action.

Gf and I visited the spca, to check out the cats.
Is it me, or are cats way more superior to dogs?

I mean seriously, I was looking at the stupid dogs, barking and wagging and lolling their wet tongues…
And I compared them to the cats…
All 16cats were perfectly relaxed, and at complete ease, with themselves, and their surroundings.
Theyre just so calm.

Its like…theyre thinking..
*Ok its nap time again.food?aite.potty?aite.random ppl lookin at me?aite.sleep?hell yes.im so tired doing absolutely nothing.and why should I do anything?im a cat, for the love of god.worship me.*

we had a blast as always.

Somehow, every time we go out, we have a good time.

and its been like that for well over a year.add to that, ew both love cats.
a match made in heaven i say.
Uhh.

In other news, heres a conversation I had with tj.

Tj on :
weight loss and malay celebrities

Tj ... says:
so yeah i lost it all i'm as thin as abdul
Tj ... says:
i mean
Tj ... says:
....
Tj ... says:
lool
Tj ... says:
name someone thats thin - i'm as thin as them
boy wonder says:
abdool
Tj ... says:
like another najp ali
boy wonder says:
eeew kay
Tj ... says:
najip
Tj ... says:
lol
Tj ... says:
but yeah
boy wonder says:
hahahaha dude...if youve become like najip ali, you'll have a tendency to take it in the behind.
Tj ... says:
good god…banish the thought.

an interesting neighbour :

Tj ... says:
vivian sneezes jus like my mother
boy wonder says:
vivian?
Random chick in your room? Score!!!
Tj ... says:
dude
Tj ... says:
its awkward
Tj ... says:
my dorm room is on a corner
Tj ... says:
and on the other side of the corner lives 5th architect student vivian
Tj ... says:
her window practically faces mine - and by damn does she sneeze like my mother
boy wonder says:
dude…you haven’t been watchin the poor girl have you? I pray, I pray, I pray, shes remotely hot…pls don’t say you’ve been watchin some hugeass fat American change her clothes…pls
Tj ... says:
nah!!!!!!!
shes ok…but her sneezing….
It freaks the shit out of me
boy wonder says:
dude....how loud is her sneeze that it penetrates through 2 windows and a wall
boy wonder says:
she must be Indian…only Indian women can sneeze like rabid elephants…and still pretend as if nothing happened…like….*boooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm*….sniffle…."why have you fainted ravi? Was it something I said? All I did was blow my dainty little sweet frangipani of a nose into your ear…darling??"
Tj ... says:
Haha dude!
She sneezes exactly like mom!
feel like turning off the monitor, jumping in bed and pretending i'm asleep ….
No mommmm.im sleeping…
boy wonder says:
Yeah, and deny those weird noises coming from your room?
Good luck.
Tj ... says:
She did it again!!
I think its my mom..she flew here from singapore!!
Help me dude!!!
boy wonder says:
nah dude….you need to stay off the crack.

beauty pageant contestants :

boy wonder says:
dude, seriously, the runner up for miss universe is way hotter than the winner…
Tj ... says:
yeah dude i think so too
Tj ... says:
dude
Tj ... says:
why are the contestents randomly selected
Tj ... says:
but miss usa and a black lady will always be in the top 10
Tj ... says:
then they make sure theres no miss india
Tj ... says:
or else she'll blow the competition away when the questions come
boy wonder says:
hi im vimita from yindia. for this contest, with my parents help, i memorised 3 encyclopedias.ask me any question.why do i have a moustache?
Tj ... says:
lol
Tj ... says:
thats true tho they're smarter than the average contestant
Tj ... says:
but i think it was 2004 or 2003
Tj ... says:
the miss USA was some phd student
Tj ... says:
not too hot … but still thick as a wall
Tj ... says:
i didn't get it
boy wonder says:
hahaha howd the retard get a phd? What uni? Barbie school of makeup?
Tj ... says:
those that have the brains are doing other things with their lives i guess
Tj ... says:
lol
boy wonder says:
yeah!
like us guys….
what is it we do again?

Ah well, I have lovely friends.
And a lovely girlfriend.
That’s it for today.
Boy wonder, over n out.

even the best fall down sometimes

“Reality's a bitch, and I heard that she bites”
- common

Lifes goin pretty alright.
Except for one minor detail.

I crashed fitty.

Yes, my dear car suffered an accident.
Sure it was a minor accident, but nonetheless, the car got damaged.

poor fitty.
now my car face is dented, much like fitty cent himself.

maybe if I named my car liz hurley or something, (s)he wouldn’t get damaged at all and stay in pristine condition forever…

anyways, there I was, driving along the notorious road of 99 turns.

as i approached a bend, i saw that, in order to avoid hitting a stupid moron of a cyclist, who decided to cycle in the middle of such a treacherous road, a Nissan was swerving straight towards me.

using my unusually advanced reasoning powers, I figured that if I were to continue on my course of action, the Nissan would crash straight into my door, and injure me.

I may be a superhero, but I aint a big fan of pain.

a broken leg and god-knows-what-else wouldn’t do much good to my crime-fighting career.

so I decided to take an evasive course of action.

and that meant I had to swerve away from this careening Nissan of Doom.

Straight into a railing.

After a loud ‘thud’, I continued driving along the road, stopping at a bus stop.i got off to inspect the damage.

egads!
fitty??!!!! you ok nigga?!

a huge dent and a broken headlight.
ah well, it could’ve been worse.

to be honest, and not overly dramatic, in the split second where my car was heading straight into the railing, I thought,

“what if fitty breaks through the railing and I fall 100feet, into the ground below?”

instant death, i presume.
no, I aint gonna lunch into some stupid tirade about how life is short and precious, blah blah blah.

Life has been good to me though.
real good.

Special thanks to bromeo (you like my 6-point turn eh) and frinn(kisses), for goin with me to the auto shop.

Fitty lies there, wounded, but alive.
Pray for him friends.

boy wonder in the spotlight.
literally.

yes, pray for him.
especially you, wong.
pray for fitty.

or youre gonna have to walk to your night-rider bus stop each time we finish slackin somewhere.
poor ole wong..
last we heard, he boarded this bus:

poor,poor wong.
on the highway to hell.

been cleaning up my room.

throwing away stuff, clearing my drawers.went to ikea to get some stuff.

found a sister.
pretty nifty acquisition.
and she fits in the handy yellow bag too.
awesome.

not much else to write about.

time is flying.

Why is it that the holidays always seem to pass so quickly, whereas time spent doing difficult stuff seems to pass second by second.

Time.
A wondrous thing it is.
Ive always been intrigued by how a single minute can feel like an eternity, or a blink.

Its funny.

There have been occasions where the clock at my workplace seemed to be stuck at 2.15pm.
It just refused to budge.

I’d linger around the station, visit the canteen, visit friends, sleep, maybe even fly to another country.
but by the time I returned to office, it was only…2.25pm.

what is up with that.

then there have been times where I’ve met the gf at like..10am.
and I’d be like…alright! We got the whole day to ourselves!
Uhh!
and within the blink of an eye..it would be 4pm…then 6pm..then 10pm.
And I’d be heading back home, thinking…..
how did that happen?

On a lighter, less contemplative note, I was recently figuring out who comes to this blog.
What kinda people are my readers?

I know people like my gf, lee unit, tra, and a few other friends, visit this place.

But there are always random weird anonymous people who annoy me by leaving stupid remarks, conveniently from behind the veil of anonymity.

I think I have figured out who these people are.Using my ultra sharp mind and superb detective skills, I found out that the majority of weirdoes who frequent this site are:

Old French male perverts.

What? Are you insane, boy wonder!
Ah, that I am at certain times, my friend.
But not at this precise moment.

You see, using some sitemeter thing I had installed earlier on, I realized that many a weirdo had been mistakenly coming to my site via a French search site.

They were searchin for pics of …

Hairy Indian girls
*shudder*

the weird site.
click for larger image.

Jesus.
talk about strange fetishes.

“ooh geetha….i love your sexy moustache…mmm"
*shudder + spasms*

anyways, to all you old French weirdoes….

“Très poilu Indien femmes es dites avant de avons crabs duvet làbas .
crabs volonté causer vous grand douleur allume tes petit baguettes.
Averter”

translation :

“It is said that very hairy Indian girls have crabs down there.
These crabs will cause you great pin on your small baguettes.
Caution!”

yeah thats it for now.
loadsa love to gf(hey ever noticed how cute baby seals are, and how hot their mommies are?)
and then some.

loadsa love n respect to my mates.
'sup random visitors.

and as for you weird frenchies,
au revoir.

how the hell did you become a chinese nurse,hitler?

bonjour, mon amie.

ive been away.
Busy doin…stuff.

Since i completed my national service, ive been catching up on something missing from my life during NS days.
Its known as…complete…utter…slacking.
Waking up at 12pm, sleeping at 5am…
Sleeping at 12pm, waking at 5am…
And so on.
These things were rarely done during my police stint…
Ah this is the life.

I look around my room.
In the corner hangs my police uniform…no longer of any use.
except if the gf wants some kinky fun.

My vaio is slowly being filled with as many illegal programs and files possible.
Deflowering a brand new virgin laptop brings me unbridled joy.
*gives pervo-manjan look*

Something is bugging me.
No, its not some weird confession about humping my neighbours pet python…

It’s a ….
*cue dramatic music*
hangnail.

Yes…that annoying situation when your nail doesn’t wanna fall off peacefully, and decides to put up one last fight.
So on my left-middle-toe, theres a nail, trying his very best to hang on for his dear life, to my left foot.
the dude doesn’t wanna be discarded and be replaced by a younger, newer model…
much like the tai-tais of the world.
If i rip it off, i’ll end up writhing on the floor.
Screaming in pure agony.
Blood will spout.
An amputation would probably result.
my promising ballet career would be in jeopardy.
So i decide against it.

i try and recall how I got rid of my last hangnail…
ihich bring me to an interesting story….

the sordid tale of the demented nurse of sentosa

First off, this tale is kinda disturbing, so if youre under 3years of age, stock up on mommys breast-milk and come back.
Hell bring some for me too.
I keed I keed.
*mmmm milk….*

some time last year, my office(from the police station) had their annual retreat in sentosa.
So all of us went down to have a fun day in the sun, rounded off by a lovely bbq and an exciting sleepover.

Right, im beginning to sound like one of the NUS camp organizers.
Over-enthusiastic, and gay.

It was a bunch of guys in sentosa.
What’d u expect?

What’d we do?
Play loadsa football and volleyball, horse around in the sea, and consume horrid, horrid food.

Amidst all this, I managed to break my toe nail while playing beach soccer…
Well, it didn’t really break..
It just dangled.
Kinda like it got decapitataed, but not by a sharp-enough guillotine.
So it just hung there.
Kill.

So me being me, I left the nail dangling, and continued playing…
*sees gf’s look of disapproval…kiss*

we proceeded to food poison ourselves via the undercooked food, specifically the severely undercooked chicken wings(dude,there was blood dripping off it) and slept.

In the morning, i felt a searing pain in my toe.
My hangnail had twisted itself into some awkward position, and I couldn’t untwist it.
Like what happened when moses lim tried missionary.
I was in agony. (yes,again,like what happened when moses lim tried missionary)

This required professional medical attention.
So I decided to go to the ‘island clinic’.
What a mistake that was to be.

Accompanying me was my compadre, roslan.
You may remember him from such episodes in my life as “bangbus finds its way to our office”, “8thstreet latinas reach clementi” and a few others.
TRA pryde.

Anyways, we went to the clinic, which was empty.
Except for one solitary figure.

she emerged from the shadows, already wearing surgical gloves.
she initially struck me as an older auntie type.
the type who help kids get home when theyre lost.
Boy, was I wrong.

I told her about my hangnail.
She asked me to sit on the medical-examining-bed-thingie and let her take a look.
This was after we exchanged small talk involving absolutely redundant questions, like “is it hot out?” [lady are you blind?the sun was practically melting the buildings walls.retard]

She looked at my poor nail.
After chewing(and possibly digesting) her lip for what looked like an entire year, she uttered these, life changing, traumatic words.

“we’re gonna have to pull it off”

my immediate reaction was “hell no auntie.we can cut it off with a scissor right?”
roslan chuckled audibly in the background.

“no young man.we have to pull it off”[tone becoming very serious]

so I replied…
“ma’am, seriously, can I just borrow a scissor?”

to which the woman did one of the weirdest things ever…
she assumed I was a 3 year old and tried the oldest trick in the book.
Distraction.

“here you go young man…see these scissors?nice aren’t they?”
[inches closer to my foot, with one scary surgical-glove hand extended...at this point, she kinda resembled a weird,chinese-femalish version of hitler]

I was in a daze, hypnotized by her soothing,motherly voice

“yessss…..” [drool]
*boy wonder starts remembering yesteryear, complete with blue diaper,blue bib, and one-eyed teddy bear*

suddenly, she grabbed my ankle, with the intention of brutally ripping off my nail, probably along with my toe.

I snapped out of my daze and wrenched my foot free.
I jumped off the bed and fled to roslan, who, by the way, was just standing there grinning.
[could he have been the evil nurse’s accomplice? nay, banish the thought. TRA]

As I stood there, the woman shouted

“don’t be a wimp!let me pull off the nail!come here young man!!come here now!you will experience much more pain WHEN YOU ENLIST FOR NATIONAL SERVICE. Much more!”

Ironic, since I was halfway through my NS, and any physical pain I had experienced would not match that of having an entire freakin’ toe amputated.
Pain is not a deterrent.
I’ve handled countless dislocations, some of which my friends have seen, but undergoing unnecessary pain, bordering on sick, sadistic, sado-masochistic behaviour, that’s where I draw the line.
Although she was wearing a nurse uniform.
Thank god she wasnt a hottie, or i’d be in a dilemma.

Needless to say, I ran(limped) the hell outta there, with my not too helpful, but ever faithful buddy, roslan[I suspect he was checking out the chicks]

Precisely 3 minutes later, I had PAINLESSLY gotten rid of the hangnail, via a nailclipper I bought from the nearby 7-11.

So miss psycho nurse, if you ever read this, you cant solve every thing by pulling on them real hard.
maybe you cured your husband’s impotence by using that method.
But you simply dont just RIP OFF a deeply-rooted hangnail, you retard.




click me! im arzishs illustration of what really happened!he cant really upload shit properly...so click me nigga!

Don’t mind the first class drawing. Nafa and la salle both offered me scholarships, which I turned down..cos….yeah they sound weird.
Hi im a nafa/la salle student, I like trying to be uber-fashionable and different.
Check out my hideous garb,which im tryin to pass off as high fashion.
Uhh.
Pfft whatever.

Yeah well that concludes my sordid tale. It’s a true tale.
Ask roslan.
You may remember him from such episodes in my life as “janet jackson’s nipple slips in clementi manpower office”, or “exploited teens visit TRA, in an office in a police station”…

Strangely, the hangnail that was bugging me so much has been cut off as well.
It surrendered meekly, when I trealized that being cut by a scissor is better than being manhandled by a manjan psycho.
anytime baby.
anytime.

On another, completely different note, the gf and I recently celebrated our 1st year anniversary.
Shes definitely the one.
Amazing, and ive never ever been happier.
Uhh.
*loadsa love to the perfect girlfriend*

aite, that’s it for now.
Lee unit/tra pride..uhh
Kiss to gf.

im out.

i like to move it

It aint easy being a superhero.

One has to be in tip-top shape, both physically and mentally.
Explains why lee unit had to reject applications from luminaries of the chinese population, such as olindo and moses lim, to be part of our elite squad.

currently, we are still deliberating over whether or not we should allow ‘Skipper’ the penguin from Madagascar to join us here at Lee Unit.
Seems a worthy candidate.
he seems good with animals and all.

Us lee-unitters have a tough time,
fighting crime
and vanquishing slime.

dayumm nigga I was born to bust rhymes.

anywhoo.

im aching all over, like a prc callgirl at closing time on a Saturday night.

bruises decorate my body, like cellulite decorates roseanna barr.

my ankle is as sprained as an indian computer geek’s wrist, after he finds an uncensored pic of aishwarya rai’s left hip.

im hobbling like a geriatric on morphine and expired viagra.

lee unitters have a very demanding schedule, FYI.

we go from hawker center to hawker center, looking for the best pig’s trotters.
any idea how tired you jaws can become chewing on 7 plates of that crap?

dodging cleavers from irate hawkers when you say “cannot make it lorr” is quite a good workout for your lower quadriceps, ive come to realize.

in fact, ive realized my right calf muscle has become abnormally large, due to the fact that whenever we go out, im continuously pushing ‘fitty’s’ accelerator/brake, since we never know where we’re going, and are constantly driving, hitting detour after detour.

and of course, beating up numerous posers outside clubs along Md. Sultan using our dreaded “shaolin pugilistic style 101: the man-bending-over-to-till-his-farm” style has to have some effect on our already aching bodies.

is that all you guys do in lee unit?

Fight evil-doers and uphold justice, the traditional china-man way?

well, readers, we party quite a bit.

of course, the boy wonder has toned down his ways after meetin ms. right.

Nevertheless, lee unit sure as hell knows how to get crunked.
uhhhh.

Using a highly evolved photographic device known to the common uneducated ignoramus as the camera phone, I took a few secret shots of lee unit partying.

again, if these photos end up shattering the clean-cut image of lee unit that your child has,a thousand apologies.lee unit's night out

lee unit's night out


boy wonder tries to put his beloved snowball into a bag so he can take him to the partayy...sadly,the cat keeps letting itself outta the bag. [no, i aint tryin to spank it.jeez]

boy wonder sweet talks the door-bitch into letting lee-unit into the party.
wong isnt 21 yet, you see.



a chick makes a move on the boy wonder...
he says, "NEHIII. begone slut. uhhh"
chick kills self.
not.
i keed i keed.

boy wonder with a hottie.
oh wait, thats my girl.
and no, she aint 1.5 times my size.
i couldnt find any other doll from my collection...


boy wonder shouts : "look gf! a new MAC(makeup not the computer)booth!!
gf : where?
boy wonder takes this oppurtunity to check out the hot chick-on-chick action taking place.
uhhh.


lee unit. from l-r : bromeo,boy wonder(thasssss meee nigga),wong PK.



lee unit boys finally get some proper action.
bromeo gets reall lucky.
boy wonder was making tea in the kitchen for his girl.



boy wonder finally gets some precious 'quality' time with his girl.
all night.
uhhh.

and so you see, there is a happy ending after all.

we superheroes sure know how to have a good time.

love to my boys,and my amazing gf.
gonna be a year soon cutie.
love you loads.
ps..mort the crying lemur is amazingly cute.

aite.
im out.