Finally.
Im done with exactly 7,400,839 deadlines.
I tell ya, it wasn’t fun.
Not remotely.
The exams, the projects, the term paper…
After almost 3 years of stagnating, my brain had a tough time adjusting to the plethora of deadlines and expectations.
I get the feeling I may have screwed up quite a few of the exams, but then again, theres always the final exams.
Enough with academic jargon, im boring myself.
Hey i noticed there are some chicks (if they can be called that) in school that just put tons and tons of foundation on their face. The base colour of their face(this can be reconfirmed via the colour of their necks, which they don’t apply foundation to. Morons) is dark brown, yet there they are, trying their very best to be white.
Not only does this reek of an identity crisis, its also a helluva eyesore.
I mean seriously, you should be proud of who you are.
If youzzz an ugly, fat, hairy woman, be one of those confident, loud ones!
You know, the real fat chicks with butts the size of Australia and more spare tires than Goodyear’s yearly production?
Theyre all in your face…like… “YEAH IM FAT. SO?”
I love it when they go “YEAH well theres MORE OF ME TO LOVE”
Yeah well, all the citizens of Rwanda and Angola could love you thoroughly, that’s how much MORE of you there is.
Hell I digressed.
These “confident” lard buckets, they go home, stare at the mirror, and cry all night.
Along with a tub of ben n jerrys.
nah they’d probably eat ben, then jerry.
nyways, I got more respect for these confident women than those trying to appear something theyre not….so please women…don’t overdo the foundation….its hideous.
As I was sitting in some mundane lecture or the other, I was thinking.
What ever happens to those dudes in movies, who get eaten or killed in some super gruesome way?
For example, if you get decapitated by some were-demon from hell, who cleans up the remains? Does some poor bloke actually go looking for your head?
And do these relevant authorities actually tell your family how you died?
“ma’am, im sorry to inform you that bubba ray, well, he kinda got his noggin’ ripped off by some maniacal were-demon. We haven’t found the were-demon, neither have we found his head. Apologies”
how bout years down the road?
“jimmy, youre grandpa bubba was one brave man. He died battling a crazed were-demon. Sadly, he was decapitated…Now now billy, don’t shed any tears…getting beheaded by a demon is the most honourable way to die…grandpa bubba died with his pride intact…minus a head though…and some intestines…and a spleen…”
and what if some giant lizard just steps on your head and kills you?
“shamalingam padaratnam, I have some very bad news. Your brother, selvarajanathan, alias joe, has passed away.”
“how dei?!?!?! Yinna?!?!?!?!!”
“maccha, put the black cat (cheap liquor) away. He was cruelly taken away from us…he was stepped on, by a giant rampaging lizard. They found his orange comb, and by analyzing the hair follicles and the coconut oil content, they determined it was …joe…(cue dramatic sad indian music, ridden with off-key flutes)”
“deiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I swear upon *insert random god name here*, I will have my vengeance on the giant lizard of doom!!” [proceeds to drink himself to death(with cheap liquor of course)]
speaking of lizards, one of them critters has decided to make itself a nice little home...in my car.
Yes.
A lizard.
Not a giant one, you dolt.
The other day, as the gf and I were “gallivanting” (indian parent’s word for ‘wasting time that could be spent studying’, i.e. every minute of your waking life) in good ole fitty, a lizard plopped itself on my windscreen. I tried to kill it with the windscreen wipers, but this lizard was as resistant to this as fat joe is to weight-reduction programmes.
So we stopped the car after the winding road of doom, and I chased the mofo with a tissue box (indian style…uhhh). It scurried back and forth along the roof of my car…till it reached the boot…soon, it disappeared into the boot.
Great.
A reptile in my boot.
The gf and I were inspecting the boot, when I loudly proclaimed,
“hey wheres the dead body??”
little did we know that some indian couple, walkin nearby, had overheard us.
I saw total horror and shock written on their face.
It was a great feeling.
The lizard, I suspect , remains in my car till today.
Its made a reappearance once, causing me to swerve like a madman.
Ok, swerve more than I usually do,
So the next time any of you lads are in the car, and hear a *click click click* noise…
It aint me trying to get jiggy with you.
Its…the lizard of doom…
School takes up so much of my time.
Just wanna show my gratitude to all my friends, who are so understanding about my inability to meet you guys.
And of course, the girlfriend.
Who never complains when I go on and on, whining about this and that.
Who always showers me with love and affection.
And when I can only meet her for such short periods of time, she doesn’t throw a fit.
Honestly gf, youre perfect.
Yup.
Well, this template is probably temporary.
Working on something nicer.
But till then, enjoy.
thats it for now.
Shout out to
Lee unit
TRA \m/
All my other mates.
And the gf *kiss*
im out.
