hurt

pain shapes me
like a deranged potter
having his way
with the malleable putty
that i am.

i try to resist
a false front i erect.
a façade, a show.
i laugh, i smile,
hiding the scars of battle.

pain grins.
a masterful opponent.
he knows each and every one
of my weaknesses.
my soft spots,
through which my insides
can be ripped out.

he bludgeons me.
i am on the wane.
my star is falling.

they try their best.
to salvage me,
to lessen the hurt.

they soothe me
they tell me i will be fine.
they tell me i will emerge victorious.
i try my best,
to believe
these white lies.
i am no fool.

pain bides his time.
a patient foe.
he picks at me,
while i try and regain
myself.

he tries new ways
to make me
rescind control.

he is the master of two realms.
one to do with the body
one to do with the mind.
he is equally adept
at ruling both.

he sees me,
resisting his attack on one front.
gleefully
he shifts his focuses
to the other.

i am weak.
i am not as strong as you think.
i am hurt.
i bleed within.
i do not recognize myself.

------------------------------------------

so im stuck at home.
for the next 4 weeks.
my summer holidays are pathetic.
and the best part.
due to some unforeseen bullshit with my knee(which i have grown to detest),
my NY trip has been cancelled.
yes.
awesome.
i have to sell my concert tix online now.
great.
explains my current state doesnt it.

walking wounded

the time has come.

im going in for surgery at 8am tomorrow.

complete reconstruction of the Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) in my left knee, along with the cleaning up of some of the meniscus, which I coincidentally ruptured unknowingly.
not to mention a 2cm crack/fracture that i somehow conjured up there.
doc is gonna be cultivating my own bone marrow(from my hip - ouch!)
to inject into the crack.
ah the wonders of medical science.

ah the wonders of my dodgy knee.

good job arzish!

players who have undergone ACL reconstruction:


Robert Pires


Ronaldo


Alessandro Del Piero


Phillip Mexes


Roberto Baggio


Michael Owen


Alan Shearer


The Boy Wonder

as you can see, im in good company.

this should be the final post for a while.
wish me luck.

thanks to all those who care, and are gonna visit me.
much love to all those who matter
especially the gf - thanks for all the concern,i really appreciate it

im out.